


...But This Wasn't In My Job Description

by zams



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Puppy!Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 00:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zams/pseuds/zams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Loki accidentally turns Thor into a puppy, and Tony and Steve are recruited as puppy-sitters.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	...But This Wasn't In My Job Description

**Author's Note:**

> Note on category: The fic itself is essentially gen, but Steve/Tony is implied.
> 
> Written because I needed something to cheer me up on this gloomy Friday afternoon.

*

Tony blinks. "Wait. That's _Thor_?"

Loki huffs impatiently. "That is what I said, was it not?" he snaps, holding the wriggling puppy away from him. The puppy – Thor supposedly; Tony's not sure if he believes it – is struggling in Loki's hands, his tongue flopping about as he pants and tries to get closer to Loki.

"What happened?" Steve asks, stepping closer.

Steve holds out a hand and Thor jumps to attention, turning away from Loki and looking at Steve instead. He barks excitedly, loud enough that Tony winces, and his tail is wagging so hard that Tony thinks it's going to fall off. Loki abruptly lets Thor go, and he jumps into Steve's arms, still barking and squirming. Tony watches in a strange sense of growing horrified fascination as Steve just laughs and catches him easily, petting Thor's head as Thor licks happily his face.

"An accident," Loki says briskly, and Tony takes his eyes off Steve and Thor, looking back at Loki. Tony's starting to have a bad feeling about this now that he's actually wondering _why_ Loki brought Thor here; there has to be a reason Loki admitted to making a mistake in front of them.

"I must find the counter spell," Loki goes on. "You will protect Thor until I return."

And there it is. "Wait, what?" Tony exclaims. "No!"

Loki glares, fierce and thunderous as always, but Tony's built up a hefty resistance to that threatening look and he just glares back at Loki, somehow managing to not childishly stick his tongue out.

Loki’s voice is as hard as his expression when he answers, “You will."

Tony bristles at Loki's imperious tone, his temper flaring, and crosses his arms over his chest. "If you think we're going to just bow down and follow your orders…"

"Of course we will," Steve cuts in, stepping in front of Tony, and Thor barks again.

"But Steve-!" Tony’s aghast and stares at the back of Steve’s head, feeling betrayed. They’re supposed to be united!

Steve ignores him, however, and promises, "We don't let any harm come to Thor."

Scowling, Tony barely refrains from saying something nasty in response, and moves a few steps away from Steve, grumbling under his breath. Tony doesn’t want any part of this. He notices Loki's attention going from Steve back to Thor, who's licking Steve's face again, and for just a moment, Loki’s mask drops and some emotion enters his eyes. It’s just a brief flash, hardly anything to get excited about, but for Loki, it’s practically a declaration of love – Loki’s genuinely worried about Thor, and Tony supposes – albeit grudgingly – that Thor is vulnerable right now and it’s probably best for him to be at Stark Tower. But that in _no way_ means Tony wants a puppy, even, no _especially_ if that puppy is a magically transformed Thor.

But there’s not a way out of this. If Fury finds out what happened, he’ll end up ordering Tony to protect Thor anyway, acting like he has the right to tell Tony to do anything, and it really doesn’t matter because clearly Steve’s turned against him, too. So Tony shuts up, resigning himself to his fate, and he doesn't even blink when Loki’s glare comes back, even colder to compensate for his momentary lapse, and he snarls, "If _anything_ happens to Thor, if a single hair is harmed on him, I _will_ kill you."

And then he's gone in an instant, vanishing as quickly as he arrived.

Tony sighs, rubbing his temples in an effort to stave off a headache that’s no doubt building. This is going to be a _nightmare_. Tony's not fond of dogs in general, let alone puppies. They need too much attention and constant supervision, and they chew on whatever they can get their teeth on and mark everything with pee, and smell and bark and run around and are just nuisances. Hopefully it won't take Loki long to find the spell to change Thor back, or else Tony will have to replace everything in Stark Tower. Plus, Tony really doesn’t want to deal with a raging Loki bent on his destruction and death if Thor runs amok and manages to hurt himself. 

"Puppy sitters," Tony mumbles, moving to stand in front of Steve so he can get a look at puppy Thor. Did Tony ever do anything so bad that he’s being punished like this? He sighs again.

Thor’s cute, Tony has to admit, all golden and shaggy, pink tongue lolling to the side, but it’s just a deceptive, insidious cover to fool everyone: Thor will wreak havoc if given half a chance and Tony knows it. Steve seems oblivious to Thor’s true nature and scratches Thor behind his ears, Thor woofing happily at the attention.

Thor completely ignores him, and Tony rolls his eyes. "He seems to like you,” Tony comments, and that’s not really surprising: Thor and Steve are close friends, so why wouldn't the puppy version of Thor like Steve as much as normal Thor does?

Tony's words make Steve grin. "Yes, you do, don't you? Yes, you do," Steve coos, lifting Thor up and bringing their faces close enough together that Thor playfully nips at Steve's nose. "Aren't you so sweet?"

Tony gapes at Steve in horror, hardly believing what he's hearing. Steve baby-talking Thor? Thor _sweet_? Oh, fucking god, this _has_ to be punishment – there’s no other explanation. How is Tony going to stand putting up with Steve doting on puppy Thor? It’s going to be even worse than Tony thought. Until Loki comes back, Tony's going to lose Steve to puppy Thor. This is ridiculous.

Tony opens his mouth to protest Steve's claims, but Thor's tail smacks him in the face before he can get a word in edgewise, a lot harder than Tony would have expected from such a small puppy, but then again it _is_ Thor, after all. And adding to the injustice of it all, Steve just laughs at Thor's antics and cuddles him close, murmuring to Thor as he walks down the hall. 

Tony stares after Steve's retreating back, flabbergasted and even indignant. He didn't even know Steve liked dogs. Tony huffs, cursing Loki and even Steve in his mind. Usurped by a puppy. Unbelievable. Thor barks _again_ , still loud and grating on Tony’s ears, and a fierce throbbing blooms behind Tony's eyes, just as Tony knew it would.

_Fuck._

**END**


End file.
